is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
