You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
