I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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