god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
