You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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