There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My penis needs a shock collar
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
