how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
