these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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