Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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