do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
