You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
