yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
