ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
