I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
