update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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