Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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