I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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