I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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