What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
