Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
