Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
