TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
