we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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