Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
