I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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