we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
