sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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