You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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