hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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