just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
