I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
