My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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