i need an iv and a liver transplant
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
