dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thus making me awesome and them whores
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
