the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
