Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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