last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
