I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
