She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
