Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
