he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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