Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you win again, gameday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
