I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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