i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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