threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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