im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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