did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
