there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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