Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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