In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
